By Paulina Rojas

Being a teenager can be hard, but being a teenager who is questioning their sexual identity can be even harder. That is especially the case in communities where such topics are rarely discussed openly.

This is why Building Healthy Communities Eastern Coachella Valley partnered with the Gay Straight Alliance to host a leadership summit on Saturday, February 27 at Coachella Valley High School. The event focused on opening up conversations with the aim of fostering greater understanding of LGBTQI issues among community members.

“It is a little difficult because not many people are open,” said Alejandro Mesa Aguilar, a senior at Coachella Valley High School. He said being an LGBTQI youth in the east valley is challenging because not many people openly discuss issues of identity.

Aguilar is also part of BHC’s Youth Participatory Action Research group. He added that for many east valley youth, questions go beyond simply deciding whether or not to come out.

“There’s not many people here that are different, in the sense that they are not out or they are in the closet. It is more than just two sides,” he said. “It takes time, some people find out who they are after high school, sometimes people actually find out before.”

During the summit, which was open to all members of the community, youth were able to share their coming-out stories, while adults learned about proper gender pronouns, the gender spectrum and how to be an adult ally.

Alyssia Parks, advisor for Coachella Valley High School’s Gay Straight Alliance, also attended the summit.

“I wanted an event like this to invite my students who may be straight or who may be questioning (their sexuality) or may just not have come out yet to come and learn more about the community,” Parks said.

Parks also said it is vital for LGBTQI youth to have consistent support as they enter spaces that might be hostile towards them.

“Support, they need support in a society that is not fully accepting of them,” she said.

Saturday’s forum comes after several incidents, including the killing of Juan Ceballos in 2014. Ceballos, a 20-year-old Mecca resident and College of the Desert student, was allegedly killed by a coworker because he was gay.

For BHC-ECV, the summit presents a unique opportunity to help support a conversation about the issues facing LGBTQI youth in the eastern Coachella Valley and to provide a safe place for those youth to share their struggles.

“I think that this is an opportunity to acknowledge what an LGBTQ student is going through,” said Sahara Huazano, project coordinator at BHC-ECV. Huazano also said BHC-ECV plans to host similar events in the future.

Having conversations like these will hopefully not only encourage more community members get involved but also help LGBTQI youth feel more comfortable in their own skin.

“We want to help people know that it is okay to come out right now,” Aguilar said. “It is okay to be yourself either now or later on.”

About the author:

Paulina Rojas joined Coachella Uninc. as a beat reporter in February 2016 after working as a city reporter in the eastern Coachella Valley for more than a year. Although born and raised in New York City, Paulina feels right at home in the eastern Coachella Valley. She loves the warmth of the people and buying fresh bread from her favorite bakery in downtown Coachella. Paulina is a graduate of the University of Houston, and her work has appeared in The Las Vegas Review – Journal, The Houston Chronicle, HelloGiggles and Vivala. View her author page here.

BRENDA R. RINCON/New America Media

PALM SPRINGS, Calif. – Juan Ceballos came to the United States so he could live freely as an openly gay man. But the move came with a high cost: he had to take on another secret identity as an undocumented immigrant.

Ceballos was 17 when he entered the United States by foot, a backpack on his shoulders, easily passing as an American student through the Tijuana border.

He quickly realized that, as an undocumented immigrant, it wouldn’t be easy to stay in the United States. And as a gay man, it wouldn’t be easy to go back to Mexico.

Ultimately, his fear of being deported outweighed his fear of being ostracized in Mexico.

“To be here was more difficult,” says Ceballos. “I was afraid.”

After only two months of living as an undocumented immigrant in the United States, Ceballos decided to go back to Mexico.

But he didn’t last long there either.

His return to his hometown of San Luis Potosí, in central Mexico, thrust him back into the same bullying and verbal abuse that he had tried to escape.

Ceballos, who knew he was gay at a very young age, had a difficult relationship with his father, who he describes as “macho.” The treatment he received from his father upon his return home eventually drew him back to the United States.

“My experience in Mexico was not good the last time I went to my hometown [because of] my father,” he says.

Three years later, Ceballos left Mexico for good. When his father passed away several years ago, he didn’t go to the services.

“I don’t want to say it this way, but I am glad he passed away. I wanted to be myself.”

Openly gay, secretly undocumented

Back in San Diego, he struggled to find work. He eventually found a job at a nursing home. When he wasn’t working, he read books to learn English and started venturing out to gay bars.

Then he fell in love, and he says it empowered him to live openly as a gay man – but he remained closeted as an undocumented immigrant.

“I always say to everyone ‘I’m gay.’ I’m not afraid (of that),” he said. “Here, I am free to say ‘I’m gay. It’s difficult to say ‘I’m illegal.’”

His legal status took a toll on the relationship. Although his partner knew he was undocumented, Ceballos would not travel for fear of deportation and was consumed with the stress of being found out.

While living in San Diego, Ceballos was startled when a neighbor proudly told him she had called immigration on an undocumented person working at a nearby hotel.

Eventually he and his partner broke up, and a heartbroken Ceballos decided to move to the gay-friendly city of Palm Springs – and further into the closet as an undocumented immigrant.

“When I came to Palm Springs 13 years ago, I just decided ‘This is none of your business,’ he says. “I have a different life here, and I never told anybody my status. Nothing, nothing.”

When he began dating a new partner, Keith, six years ago, he eventually told him about his legal status, but he continued to keep his secret from everyone else.

“My friends think I am a citizen. I never discussed this with them,” he says.

He still avoids travel and takes extra precautions every day. He doesn’t speed, drink and drive, or go to areas known to have immigration raids.

“Because I love this country and I don’t want [anything] to happen so they can take me out,” he says. “I don’t want anything, anything, to happen that I can be deported or I can be arrested for.”

DOMA ruling brings new hope

All of that changed on June 26, when the Supreme Court announced that they had struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and dismissed the case of California’s Proposition 8.

DOMA denied federal benefits to legally married same-sex couples and Prop 8 prohibited gay marriages in California.

The ruling meant that Ceballos would be able to marry his partner Keith, who could now petition for him to get a green card.

“I was crying, I was not able to work good because I kept looking at my phone and looking at Facebook, reading everything,” he recalls. By that time, his mother had moved to California, and was able to share in his excitement. “My mom was with me that day, she came and gave me a hug, and we started crying together. It is amazing, amazing.”

That same morning, immediately after the Supreme Court decision was announced, Keith proposed to Ceballos. One week later, they were married at the Indio Courthouse.

Keith has since petitioned the U.S. Citizen and Immigration Services for his husband to be granted legal residency.

Several years ago, Ceballos had an opportunity to marry a close female friend but he declined.

“For me, marriage is only with the person I love,” he says.

With Keith, it was different.

“We didn’t marry just for [legalization],” he says. “We married because we are in love.”

Now, as he awaits his green card, he feels his dreams finally within reach.

“I just want to be free to drive, free to do what I want to, to make my goals, make my dreams come true,” he says. “Because I have a lot of dreams.”

Gay Grandparents

On their wedding day, Ceballos and Keith were joined only by their parents and their “gay grandparents,” local LGBT activists Doug Hairgrove and Warren Wood.

The established Palm Springs couple has helped numerous LGBT adults and youth. Their non-profit organization, Safe Schools Desert Cities, provides support to Gay Straight Alliance Clubs at local high schools and organizes an annual Pride Prom.

“We have been together since we were seniors in college. We have been at it for 53 years,” says Hairgrove. “We have seen everything.”

Lately, Hairgrove and Wood have been dealing with more issues related to “undocuqueer” people. In one case, Hairgrove assisted an undocumented gay Latino obtain financial aid for college.

As more gay student clubs are formed in the heavily Hispanic Eastern Coachella Valley, the couple recently hit a speed bump while organizing a Safe Schools field trip to San Diego. Several students were scared to go on the trip because it involved passing a border patrol checkpoint.

“When minority groups, specifically queer migrant students, they may feel at risk,” said Hairgrove. “They have two hurdles to overcome.”

Hairgrove assured the students they would be safe and the trip was successful.

Although Hairgrove and Wood have helped many in the gay community, they were unable to help their close friend Ceballos with his legal status. It was especially frustrating because they knew that marrying Keith would allow Ceballos to petition for residency – but the legalization of same-sex marriage just didn’t seem likely.

Being unable to marry was a situation they once faced.

“Our biggest fear was not being able to make [medical] decisions for each other,” says Hairgrove, who married Wood in 2008 when same-sex marriages were briefly legal. Until the DOMA ruling, legally married same-sex couples were denied many of the benefits afforded to other couples, including the right to make medical decisions for a spouse in an emergency. “Looking back, being married was and is beyond everything we thought possible for over 45 years and became one of our biggest accomplishments as individuals and as a couple because we had been fighting for equality for so very long.”

Hairgrove and Wood were honored to have been among the few present at the wedding of their close friends.

“In reality, we knew the marriage would mean more than the marriage of most people…their marriage, we knew, would provide a pathway to Juan’s status as a resident and eventually citizenship,” says Hairgrove. “It meant that Juan and Keith would be forever safe in each other’s arms and in the eyes of the law.”

Releasing the backpack

Ceballos says it is difficult to express his feelings about his two countries.

“I love my culture, I love to be Mexican, but I am proud and more in love with this country…because probably the things I have now never would happen in Mexico. I’m free to say ‘gay.’ I’m not free to do a lot of things, not yet. But if I was in Mexico I would not be free to be myself.

“My family is here, my nieces and nephews were born here, my three sisters and my mom are here. I hope I can stay here forever.”

His immediate goal is to go back to school and get his real estate license so he can go into business with his partner, a realtor.

But until he has his green card in hand, Ceballos feels that he is still lugging around that same backpack he crossed the border with 21 years ago.

“I feel like [the backpack] on my shoulders probably weighs a couple hundred pounds and probably that day [when I get my green card], it will be off. And I will [be able] to fly or run.”

One day he hopes to become a U.S. citizen. “The day it happens will be the second best day of my life,” he says.

The best day? “Meeting the guy I married.”

Additional reporting by Alejandra Alarcon.

This article was produced as part of New America Media’s LGBT immigration reporting fellowship sponsored by the Four Freedoms Fund.

By Alejandra Alarcon,
Coachella Unincorporated

La Quinta, Calif. — Gay Straight Alliance Clubs from all over the Coachella Valley united at the first Rainbow Youth Summit held March 10 to create safety in their community and schools for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) youth.

Sponsored by Equality California, Trevor Project, and Safe Schools Palm Springs/Desert Communities, the event drew approximately 160 students from Coachella Valley High School, Desert Mirage High School, La Quinta High School, Cathedral City High School, Palm Desert High School and Palm Springs High School. According to event organizers, only 10 youths attended a similar event last year.

The summit, held at the Desert Sands Unified School District offices, had a packed schedule with different sessions, presentations and workshops for participants with the overall purpose of ending sexual orientation and gender identity prejudice. Students also viewed “On these Shoulders We Stand,” a film by Glenne McElhinney telling the stories about people that have had impact on the gay community.

“We are available to any school in the Coachella Valley, elementary, middle school and high school who wants us to come in and talk to their faculty about their laws of the state of California,” said Doug Hairgrove, co-president of Safe Schools Palm Springs/Desert Communities. “But we can’t help you unless you let us know what you want us to do.”

Hairgrove’s organization works to eliminate discrimination and harassment on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in schools by providing in service for school districts and individual school sites.

“We are often contacted by students, families, and teachers when there are bullying situations against individual students and or staff by fellow students, fellow staff members or administrators,” added Hairgrove.

The youth summit encouraged participants to stand up for their equality by presenting gay local residents that have overcome struggles and achieved success, such as Raymond Gregory, chief deputy at the Riverside County Sheriff’s Department.

“Law enforcement was once a profession for those who where solely a straight white male,” said Gregory. “We should be proud of how far we’ve come both as individuals and a community. My grandmother was very wise and she would tell me ‘It’s fine to be proud of how much you have done but most importantly to pay attention to the work still ahead.’”

Joey Hernandez and Franchesca Gonzalez, representatives from the American Civil Liberties Union, educated the youth about the rights they have in their schools.

There has been much improvement in the Coachella Valley, but the youth will continue to fight for the rights of LGBTQ people and Gay Straight Alliances.

Students came together not only to learn how to prevent hate crimes, but also to have fun.  The summit ended with entertainment, including live music, and time for participants to get to know one another.

Event sponsors are planning another event in the near future. For more information, please visit http://www.facebook.com/rainbowyouthsummit.

By Alejandra Alarcon
Coachella Unincorporated

Over the last few years, there has been more acceptance of gay students in eastern Coachella Valley high schools, but a lack of support in their community and homes persists – and Lady Gaga wants to do something about it.

The pop star will launch her Born This Way Foundation, an organization created to foster a more accepting society where differences are embraced and individuality is celebrated, on February 29 at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Two Eastern Coachella Valley students are attending the launch: Tony Aguilar, 21, a College of the Desert student from Thermal, and Jessica Pompa, 18, a Desert Mirage High School student from North Shore.

“This wonderful opportunity will place the Eastern Coachella Valley on the front lines of this new foundation aimed at helping youth, a monumental move towards equality and acceptance of youth from all walks of life,” said Aguilar, who is also a Coachella Unincorporated reporter. “I hope we can spotlight the Eastern Coachella Valley and the issues our youth face as they relate to the mission of this foundation.”

Coachella Valley High School and Desert Mirage High School have made strong efforts to curb bullying with clubs like The Gay Straight Alliance, which strives to create unity between all students and build a positive atmosphere on campus. Another CVHS club aiming to make a difference is Safe Zone, led by cheerleading coach Salvador Becerra, a former student at that school.

“Safe Zone is not just for lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) students, but for anyone that’s being bullied like special needs students,” said Becerra. “The purpose is to establish a safer learning environment and educating teachers on how to approach conflicts.”

Even with these supportive clubs for LGBT students, there is still a long way to go.

“Teachers don’t do anything when kids are being called ‘fag’ or ‘joto.’ We need to teach students that we are all human,” said Bennie Alvarez, senior and president of Gay Straight Alliance at Coachella Valley High School. “You always just want to fit into the profile people see you as. But no matter what you do, there will always be something wrong with you. I was scared of coming to school the next day after I came out on Facebook.”

According to Thomas Montenegro, a junior at Coachella Valley High School, it is not easy to gain peer acceptance. “I’ve known I was gay for a very long time. I was afraid. I already fit all the stereotypes. I’m in chorus and theatre, but being involved made it easier to come out when everyone was already on my side,” said Montenegro. “People in this community are not used to ‘different’ because it’s so small that we all just become one. Eventually they’re going to have to step out of their comfort zone. If they’re not ready for a bigger world, they’re screwed.”

Jessica Pompa said it is also difficult for LGBT students to feel accepted by traditional Hispanic parents who are more closed-minded about homosexuality.

“I have support from people at school, but not from my parents. It’s just sad because I hear them talk bad about gay people,” said Pompa. “I don’t blame parents for not being accepting, that’s just the way they were raised. Culture has a lot to do with the way they feel about LGBT people.”

Pompa added, “What would they think if I came out to them?”

Some students rely on the Bienestar youth group that provides support in a safe and confidential environment from a local office in the eastern Coachella Valley. Their mission is to encourage LGBT people to express themselves freely and reduce HIV infections among youth through prevention messages, and encouragement of safe sex.

However, one group in the Eastern Coachella Valley is not enough to create unity between residents.

“It is hard to come out in Coachella because there is no place to go to, to feel accepted,” said Montenegro.

The Eastern Coachella Valley is deprived of LGBT culture acceptance. High schools have made great changes for LGBT students, it is time for the community and parents to follow up with the movement students and faculty have started.

“I had to masquerade myself in high school in order to survive. It’s hard for people to reveal their identities when they feel different, but parents have to deal with the same process to accept it and tell people that their child is gay,” said Becerra.

He added, “If I walk, hand in hand, with my partner into the Cardenas in Coachella. I’m pretty sure I’ll be turning heads.”

Pompa is hopeful that the Born This Way Foundation will help her and other students in the Eastern Coachella Valley.

“It’s about me going out there and learning about all this,” she said. “It’s about becoming empowered.”

Visit www.facebook.com/coachellauninc for Tony Aguilar’s updates from the Born This Way Foundation launch February 29. For more information and to watch the launch online, visit www.bornthiswayfoundation.org.